Sunday, March 7, 2010

Shitcicles and the Piss River

Sunday, March 7, 2010
Oh, my God! I just came in from throwing a Frisbee to the dog. We still have snow on the north side of the houses in our sub, so our yard has a strip about 15’ wide along the back of the house that’s still snow-covered. The rest is grassy mud that deer hooves have turned into muck.

Maddie, our dog, doesn’t care if she’s covered in mud after chasing her Frisbee. But I want to watch some of the Academy Awards pre-shows while I clean bird cages (exciting, huh?). I sure as hell don’t want to be giving an unwilling dog a bath. So I threw the Frisbee along that snowy strip to keep her feet clean. The problem was that I had to stand between our and the neighbor’s house, in order to give her some distance to run. And that area, my friends, is known as the Pissing Field. We don’t have fences here, so dogs have to be let out on leads to do their business. Maddie has about 25 feet in any direction from the steps to use as her toilet.

Well, if you have a dog, you know what I’m dealing with. If you don’t, picture this. Because of all the traffic on the area, it’s pretty much frozen over, rather than snow-covered. It’s mostly yellow from urine, with occasional shitcicles preserved in the ice. And as for the stuff that’s not frozen, it’s deteriorated into a poop pie that has to re-freeze before I’ll even think about picking it up with a shovel. Honestly, I gagged out there, as I tried to avoid stepping in any of it while throwing that damned Frisbee. And I was terrified that I’d slip on the ice and land in one of those disgusting piles.

Ordinarily, I don’t deal with this – it’s my husband’s job, since he swore if we got a dog, he’d do the work (yeah, right). He can’t do it now, of course, because he just had rotator cuff surgery a week ago, and has the use of only one arm. So I’m stuck, because I can’t keep walking through our septic tank of a yard to fill up the bird feeders for the next five weeks. I have to clean it up. So please join me in wishing for one last freeze, so I can deal with that mess without puking.


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